Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
