Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
