When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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