Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
