brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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