so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
