remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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