The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
