Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
