How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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