His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
