Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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