you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
