I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
