You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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