The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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