Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
