so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
