when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
