We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
