I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize