Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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