Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
