I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
