i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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