I didn't shave. On purpose
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
