remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
