Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
