it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
