brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
