Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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