i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
