Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
