I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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