omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
