do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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