watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
porn star boner night. come get it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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