my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
