i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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