I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
