Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
