paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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