they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
