He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
