atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize