is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
