making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
