Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
