Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
