think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize