I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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