the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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