We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
