So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
