it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
