this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
