I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
