guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
