Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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