so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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