You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize