oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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