Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
