the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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