Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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