If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
someone owes me an orgasm
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
