so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
