I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
