please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
