Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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