dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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