You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
