Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
