smell my finger.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
